i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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