how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
