Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
