i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
