Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
