Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
