I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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