I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
