just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
