Midget sex pt 2 tonight
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Less talking, more tequila
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
