When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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