This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
