I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
