Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
