On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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