you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
