at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
