And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
