no, he came in my armpit
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
