1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
