Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
