If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
