I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
