He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
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Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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