I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
