OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
