Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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