I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
