Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am available for nakedness
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
