ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
