its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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