I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
