Who did Billy Mays play for?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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