when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
