You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
