i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
