so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
