So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
