My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
NoShamevember. You game?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
