I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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