So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
