he thought i was a dude.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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