last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
