i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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