Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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