You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
