i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
