first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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