Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
