we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
