I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
