Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
this just has baby written all over it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
