I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
