I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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