Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
