All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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