my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
