Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
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just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Blood and glitter go together right?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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