Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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