you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
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She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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