Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
