You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
