Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
