my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
