can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
