I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
