Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
