I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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