I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
