i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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