now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
