kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
